Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Sucker Punch: Worse Than The Vaccuum


By River Shaughnessy, Top Critic
Denver, Colorado

Sometimes, I make a big mess in the house, and I get in trouble. Director Zack Snyder made a HUGE mess of a $100 million budget. Does he have to go to time-out in his crate? No, he gets to try again with Superman.

Sucker Punch is about a hot babe stuck in the mind of another hot babe stuck in a mental institution, or maybe a bordello, depending on which babe’s reality you’re in. She plans to escape with a few other dumb broads by hypnotizing her captors with her awesome dancing. Her dancing is apparently so awesome, that she has to retreat inside her mind just to get through it. While there, she has to find a map, fire, a knife, a key, and her inner self, by way of fighting some Nazis, some robots, and some dragons. There are lots of fights, explosions, and even some flying things. You’d think a movie that was crammed full of all that stuff couldn’t possibly be boring, but somehow it totally was.

My favorite part of this movie was actually reading this human review by Flixist.com critic Alex Katz. “Sucker Punch is a dead rabbit brought in by a faithful, yet utterly stupid dog. He thinks it’s the bestest present in the whole world, but it’s just a stinking, dead corpse on your pillow.” This guy deserves a treat for one great analogy!

In Summary: I vomit things more interesting and less offensive than this movie.

Rating: 1/5 Wags

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