Monday, May 2, 2011

A Fucking Cat Presents: Weekend Box Office Roundup



Just Furious
By Sammy Miller, Guest Contributor
West Hollywood, CA

I had the strangest nightmare this morning. I dreamt that the fifth installment of the Fast & The Furious franchise had a record-breaking opening weekend. It was terrifying – there were people lining up around the block to see it, and it ended up grossing over $83MM domestically. I woke up in a cold sweat, but then immediately chuckled to myself and calmed down. It was only a crazy dream! Vin Diesel isn’t culturally relevant anymore! There’s no way that people still care about a ragtag bunch of meatheads who have been doing the same bad one-liners and silly stunt-driving tricks since 2001.

The good news is that Disney’s squeaky-clean PROM didn’t find an audience either. It raked in only $4.7MM domestically, and the week-over-week dropoff is sure to be more dramatic a Miley Cyrus temper tantrum. If the studio thought that they had another High School Musical on their hands, they’re in for quite the rude-awakening.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night didn’t even crack the top ten. Bringing in well under $1MM, this cat thinks that history’s worst Superman, Brandon Routh, better ask Lucky Strike bowling lanes if he can have his old job back.

Needless to say, I’m positively exhausted. Think I’ll pop a CAtivan and try to catch a few more z’s before my dinner reservations. Ciao for now!

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