Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Fright Night Sucks, And I Don’t Mean Blood

By River Shaughnessy, Top Critic
Denver, Colorado

Once again, this dog got tricked by a solid 74% Rotten Tomatoes score, and an endorsement from the not-on-his-A-game-lately Roger Ebert. It’s only August, so having high expectations for a horror movie was probably a mistake from the get-go. If it were any good, they would’ve waited until October to release it, right? But after watching the newly re-imagined Fright Night, I can’t help but wish this film had met a more gruesome fate. The studio should’ve buried this corpse, or at least have sent it straight to DVD. Or straight to hell for all I care!

This movie sucked. It was really, really bad. Colin Farrell seemed convinced that his acting talent would be the sole redemption of a schlocky script and shallow, empty characters. He lays it on thick, and overacts in every scene, ensuring that his supporting cast comes across even more wooden than they might have done on their own. And let’s be honest – Anton Yelchin was only good in Star Trek. He was born to play Chekov, but doesn’t work as your average American teen. So even though there are plenty of reasons to hate the first half of the film, just wait until they introduce the comic relief! One horrible Russel Brand/Criss Angel knock-off, plus a vampire Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Someone stake me already.

The most disappointing thing of all is that this movie specifically opted for an R rating, and then wasted it. Sure, they drop the F bomb a few times, but the gore was too little, too late, the scares were basically non-existent, and there was zero nudity to speak of whatsoever. The spookiest thing about Fright Night were all the boooooooos you heard when the credits roll.

Summary: Perhaps the shittiest vampire movie since 2004’s Van Helsing.

Wags: 1/5

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