Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Contagion Infects You...With Fun!

By Miss Tummy Cole, Top Critic
San Francisco, California

Would you like to watch Gwenyth Paltrow puke up some goop and die? Well, then Contagion is the movie for you! Half Outbreak and half Dawn of the Dead, Contagion marries the best parts of boring cellular science with the joyous delights of watching spoiled white ladies convulse and die. This is one bio-thriller will have you paws-ing the next time you go to drink out of the toilet.

This particular contagion begins with the unfortunate moment where a bat poops and a pig eats it. A supervirus is born. Fast forward to grocery store looting, neighbor-on-neighbor violence, and a government quagmire that promises a vaccine, but fails to deliver. The very future of the human race rests firmly in the hands of a diverse team of scientists & officials who try (and fail) to deal with the two key issues at hand: how to keep the virus from spreading, and how to keep information from trickling out into the public and causing mass hysteria, a problem almost as dangerous as the virus itself.

Boasting an all-star cast with Steven Soderbergh at the helm, Contagion did a decent job of exploring pretty much every angle of a global catastrophe. Kate Winslet, Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard, Lawrence Fishburn, John Hawkes and even ol’ Gwennie all earned their paychecks with believable performances. Jude Law & his fake tooth were passable as the unethical blogger trying to make a buck by claiming he was cured by a big fat placebo. Props to Soderbergh for showcasing the supremely talented Jennifer Ehle as CDC researcher Dr. Ally Hextall. Anyways, I’m still not sure what the moral of the whole story is, but in the event of a vaccine shortage, I now know that the best thing to do is to howl mercilessly, push your way to the front of the line, and bite anyone in the way. Or just run to Canada.

Summary: Worth $10 for the Gwenyth Paltrow autopsy alone.

3/5 Wags

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